Introducing Blot're

Social networking is dead. And good riddance. It’s 2015, ain’t nobody got time for all that text and all those pixels. And frankly, there just aren’t enough people in the world to justify further investment.

So while Big Social panders to the world’s meager six billion remaining unconnected future consumers, with internet Zeppelins and digital donkeys and whatnot, we’ve got a better idea.

Enter the IoT.

A Revolution, Toasted

Studies show that millennials love toasters.

So it’s no wonder that the Internet of Toasters (IoT) is the hot new thing for tech companies big and small. There’s just one minor problem: they have no clue what the hell they are talking about. Simply put, they are too old.

But we are millennials. We understand toasters and all things toasted. And we can do better. So that’s why we set out to create the world’s first true IoT application, one that embodies the millennial spirit and empowers the potential of the IoT to revolutionize the future. Thus, Blot’re was born.

What is Blot’re

Long story short, Blot’re is what’s happening now. The past is dead. Nobody’s got time for text. Blot’re is communication reimagined for today’s hyperconnected always-on millennial, and their toaster.

An analogy perhaps:

  • Take Facebook. Now subtract out the newsfeeds, friends, photos, like buttons, messaging, profiles, videos, groups, advertising platform, etc. That’s Blot’re.
  • Think Instagram, except with 1x1 images and all your followers are household appliances.

Through a revolutionary context aware encoding system based on decades of machine learning, Blot’re integrates, ingests, and processes disparate toast data streams, outputting dense pellets of comprehensible information, all with practically no information loss.

All Is Toast

But what is a toaster? Is a toaster just a heating element inside of a metal enclosure, perhaps with a few dials or buttons? Or is a toaster defined by what it does?

  1. Bread goes in.
  2. Something happens.
  3. Toast comes out.

In the toaster we see all things: birth and death, resurrection and life. And it’s this understanding that makes Blot’re unique. We don’t limit you.

What to use Blot’re to share thoughts and emotions? We don’t mind. For is life not but a toaster of souls? What to hook Blot’re up to track the weather? Fine by us. What is weather but the slow toasting of Earth? Or, more practically, want to use Blot’re to get in shape, tracking calories and steps? Also great.

We just built Blot’re. Use it however you like.


Enough talk. Blot’re is already live at

Wow! such flat. so color. many awesomes
Wow! such flat. so color. many awesomes

It’s free. All you need is a Google or Twitter account to sign in.

The rest is up to you.

Calling all Developers

Blot’re is more than just a website, it’s a communications platform. And we want your app to integrate with Blot’re today. Look, all the cool kids are doing. You’re cool too, right? Right?

So, to show our wholehearted love of you, the developer, we’ve built an intuitive and powerful set of APIs for you to integrate into your application.

It’s easy to get started, so check out the documentation. There’s a familiar and intuitive REST API along with a websocket subscription based API for real time applications.

And seriously, if you run into any problems or have a suggestion, feel free to checkout the source code or log a bug.