Good morning, and thank you for joining us today. It’s an exciting time at Blot’re and we’re glad to have you with us.
Today, we’re going to cover the performance of Blot’re in the recent quarter. We’ll start by discussing users and the growth Blot’re, before moving on to financials. Finally, as a special treat, you’ll get a sneak peek at a few pre-alpha products that B-Lab has been working on.
We launched Blot’re a little over three months, ago and the user response has been nothing short of outstanding. Not only has the Blot’re userbase grown significantly in raw numbers, but we’re also seeing unprecedented levels of user engagement. People love Blot’re. Blot’re loves people.
In June alone, Blot’re doubled its number of active users.
Certainly nothing to sneeze at.
But what’s really exciting, and what may not be clear at first glance, is just how fast Blot’re is growing. We didn’t believe it ourselves at first. Let’s look more closely at the charts. Notice, how as we zoom in, the growth rate of Blot’re actually increases!
In fact, the growth rate of Blot’re approaches INFINITY the closer you examine the data.
If Blot’re can sustain infinite or near infinite growth, we project that we will become the world’s largest communications platform within the year.
Advertisers are always calling us up and demanding, “We want the millennials! Bring out the millennials!”, and boy do we deliver!
Blot’re is for everyone, but the ideal Blot’re user is an urban, western millennial in the top quarter income bracket. This group’s disposable income, desire for authentic experiences, and high toaster usage makes them highly coveted within the industry. A billion little snowflakes, all perfectly unique in exactly the same way.
This quarter, over half of all new Blot’re users were initially classified as members of our target demographic. What about the Others? Well, for accounting purposes, we have legally classified Others as deceased, giving Blot’re a nearly uniform user demographic. Targeted? You can say that again.
Advertisers have been ecstatic. Major brands are establishing their presence on Blot’re too. As someone put it, “If it’s not on Blot’re, it doesn’t exist.” We couldn’t agree more.
Money. We at Blot’re are but mere children in matters of the dollars and the cents. Our payment is making the world a more colorful place. And so what that we enjoy a particular shade of green most of all? Who doesn’t? Oh investor, investor! Come share in the color!
Income and Costs
Income remained remarkably stable across the entire quarter.
We project that this stability will continue well into next quarter, even as the economy suffers unprecedented levels of volatility.
Blot’re is growing fast and hungers for capital. Storing all those colors isn’t free and we’re actively recruiting tech talent, talent who will take Blot’re to the next level. We believe that our significant infrastructure and staffing investments will help meet the future needs of Blot’re.
Costs do slightly exceed our income at the moment, but, if the infinite growth projected above continues, this should be no problem. We’re not worried, and you shouldn’t be either.
Blot’re recently completed a first round of growth financing, during which we raised twenty million, one hundred millionths of a dollar in exchange for one eighth of one share. Given that Blot’re plans to issue approximately five hundred million shares, this gives Blot’re, and please remember that this is a conservative estimate, a two hundred billion dollar valuation.
However, given the potential size of the IoT market (3.402*10^38 users), we feel that Blot’re is drastically undervalued. If Blot’re can capture but 1% of the market, and monetize each user for a very conservative average of one dollar per year, we would reach annual income of 3,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 dollars. Now we’re talking!
Don’t worry if you missed out on the initial financing, just don’t be a fool again. We’ll be starting additional rounds shortly, although, given demand, expect significantly higher prices for a piece of the action.
Blot’re killed the past. And the present is dead, a has-been. The future is where we are focused as a company. And today, we’re excited to offer you a sneak peek at a few projects our colleagues at B-Lab are hacking on.
Blot’re has always been about connecting your physical world with your digital life. But why limit Blot’re to cyberspace? Your physical world goes into Blot’re, so why can’t Blot’re go into your physical world? Everything color. Everything Blot’re. That’s the idea behind Project Blot’AR.
Reality is complex and often hard to understand, but Blot’re made reality simple. So project Blot’AR brings the same color quantization you know and love from Blot’re into the real world.
Using a revolutionary holographic headset, Project Blot’AR overlays Blot’re streams on real world objects. Curious about the current temperature? Just glance up at the sky blot. Ahh,
#157500, very nice. Can’t see your toast through the toaster? Check its blot.
#804000. Perfect toast once again! Wondering if a friend is feeling down? Peek at his blot.
#2ce0fb, hmm, maybe you should check if everything is OK.
Understand everything you need to know about reality in a glance. Offload your thinking. That’s the promise of Project Blot’AR. It’s reality, only Blot’re.
Millennials want more personalized, more bespoke transportation, and creaky old companies like Uber are struggling to adapt to this new world. We revolutionized the IoT with Blot’re, so what’s to stop us from reinventing another industry or two?
The Blot’Car is transportation for the Blot’re generation. Each Blot’Car is a fully autonomous electric vehicle. The real innovation is how the Blot’Car network integrates with Blot’re and your life.
Users routinely say that planning is the biggest pain of transportation. All that smartphone tapping just to get a ride across town? Please. The Blot’Car takes you places you never knew you wanted to go, and brings you together with people you never knew you wanted to meet.
Say you want to meet up with a friend who lives across town. All that’s required is that you and your friend set your Blot’re statuses to the same color. Blot’Car constantly monitors your city’s color graph and attempts to optimize it spatially by clustering like colors together.
If a Blot’Car detects a user in a non-optimal location, it will assist them. The fully electric Blot’Cars can move silently along the streets for a more spontaneous pickup experience. Once a Blot’Car is near the non-optimal user, it deploys our patented user-assistance lasso to engaged and snugly fasten them to the vehicle. The Blot’Car then deposits them in a locally optimal location based on their color. Simple.
The best part is that Blot’Car will be free for all Blot’re users. Additionally, a small fleet of Blot’Cars will operate in trial-mode for users without a Blot’re account. Trial-mode users will be optimized to the edges of the network until they sign up for a Blot’re account and get color.
Businesses will be able to purchase Blot’Car colors and map these to fixed locations. If a company like Target purchased red for example, they could suggest that the Blot’Car network bring any user with a red or reddish status to a Target store. We anticipate that Blot’Car color purchases will become a significant percentage of our income in the coming years.
Blot’Car is scheduled to begin limited trials next year.
Our userbase is growing and we have successfully attracted our target demographic to Blot’re. The two hundred billion dollar initial valuation of Blot’re raised some eyebrows, but mainly because of how low it was. This should be corrected as we progress through additional rounds of financing. And we have some really great stuff in the pipeline that will break Blot’re out of your browser and into your world.
Suddenly, the future is looking a whole lot Blot’re.